dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize