I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
