Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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