I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bring me that man meat
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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