my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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