she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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