Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
