This is not my ceiling
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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