So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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