he puts the penis in happiness.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drake has all the answers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
