She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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