Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
