Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
