You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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