I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
