I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
