he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
