here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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