before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
