we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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