my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
