she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
