Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
