Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
