the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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