she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize