Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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