the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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