whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
