May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
