You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
