I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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