I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
