WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
