Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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