i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
