My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
