I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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