Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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