I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
