Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
