It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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