they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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