I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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