My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
