Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
