After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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