I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
