I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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