Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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