note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
