she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
