I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
