I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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