I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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