I must be too annoying 4 u.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
