I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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