Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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