Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
