The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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