I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
