Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
