They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
