My hair reeks of homosexuality.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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