After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
