Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
