I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
