We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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