Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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