I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
