So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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