i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
