just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
