is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
