Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
