So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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