Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize